The Gift of Failure

How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed (2015.8)


关于本书 About the book

Modern parenting is defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness: parents who rush to school at the whim of a phone call to deliver forgotten assignments, who challenge teachers on report card disappointments, mastermind children’s friendships, and interfere on the playing field. As teacher and writer Jessica Lahey explains, even though these parents see themselves as being highly responsive to their children’s well being, they aren’t giving them the chance to experience failure—or the opportunity to learn to solve their own problems.

Providing a path toward solutions, Lahey lays out a blueprint with targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. Most importantly, she sets forth a plan to help parents learn to step back and embrace their children’s failures. Hard-hitting yet warm and wise, The Gift of Failure is essential reading for parents, educators, and psychologists nationwide who want to help children succeed.

本书金句 Key insights

● To foster enthusiasm, children must find their own way of solving problems. But how do you make a student excited about school? Well, the key rule for caregivers is to take a step back.

● You should therefore opt for autonomy-supportive parenting, rather than controlling parenting.

● In the same way that you make it okay for your children to fail, make it okay for yourself to fail as a parent, too! But as long as you show your children that your love isn’t dependent on their success, you’ll always be on the right path.

● Instead of saying how wonderful your child is after he or she gets a good grade, try valuing the effort he or she put into preparing for the test. The more children believe that their talent can develop with effort and perseverance, the less they will fear failure.

● They can help them set educational goals. To put grades in perspective, help your children set self-determined goals instead of goals dictated by the school curriculum. Take your time and talk with your kids, support them, and focus on their effort, not the end result.